These past 3 days have seen me reaching 6 deep into the Advil bottle. Don't worry my handsome gynecologist told me I could do that sometimes back in the day. Yes, it was the 80's. So what?
It's been a little dicey and I have been defeated in my attempts to deny Oscar the Grouch residence.
I have promised myself I won't be whiny.
Wah, wah, wah...my back has been killing me since Sunday...wah wah wah...promises are made to be broken, no?
But honestly, I don't think I've been in this kind of physical misery since 1986. And that includes delivering my 9 1/2 pound oldest boy, in 1997, with nothing but meditative breathing and my good looks. It wasn't pretty. But it didn't last more than a couple of hours either.
I would like to tell you a little story. One that I hope will prove I am not a crybaby moron.
It was a glorious sunny day in 1986. The kind of day that is full of imminent summer freedom and a part time job. I was a college sophomore and had, along with the thousands of other students at CSULB, just finished my last spring semester final . Including a very nice nursing student. It's funny, but I can't remember her name. It think it may have been Carol. Well, ol' Carol was cruising along too, euphoric that school was out.
Until she plowed into the back of my little, white, hatchback, Honda Civic. The traffic, which had come to a surprising, screeching halt on the southbound 405 freeway, caught her by surprise. My brown tortoise shell Rayban sunglasses flew off my face, my seat belt cut a burn into my neck and, a couple hours later, I found that I was unable to hold my head up. Literally. It was a problem.
She had shoved me, and my little white car with the luggage rack on top, into the sedan in front of me. Rendering my car undrivable and totalled. The backseat of my car replaced by the crinkled up entire back half of my car. In my rearview mirror, I had seen her coming. I had noticed she wasn't paying attention and wasn't slowing down. I, instinctively I guess, mashed my right foot down on the brake pedal, trying to get her to hit her brakes I suppose. All that brake mashing meant every single muscle on the right side of my body was tensed during impact. Apparently, that is the exact opposite of what you should do. It is the reason why the injuries to the right side of my neck and back plague me today and my left doesn't.
I spent most of that summer recuperating from the crash.
All this to say, that 25 years later, I am familiar with back pain that is persistent and recurs. I know what to do about that particular back pain. How to manage it, what I must do physically to keep it at bay, how to live my life in relative comfort and keep Oscar in his trashcan.
But this new thing that has been dogging me for the last 3 days is an entirely different beast. Different area, different symptoms, different cause and not easily remedied with what I know. U.G.L.Y.
I have tried... heat...alternating the heat with cold...just doing the cold for 15 minutes every hour...praying...promising...swearing...crying...apologizing for the cosmic badness I have obviously committed somewhere along the line...promising my unborn 4th child...you get the picture. I have offered up things I don't even have and am too old to produce...if I could just feel better. If I could just stop feeling like I can't breathe after I have been sitting for more than 15 minutes at a time. If I could just get vaguely back to normal.
I decided this morning, I needed to call my doctor. She can get me in...wait for it...Thursday. What?!
Yeah, I'm looking for a new physician.
I'll keep the Thursday appointment, because I am a desperate woman.
But then I am definitely breaking up with my doctor.
I want somebody who respects me, understands me, recognizes my desperate plea for help, as a call to work extra hours, her own personal life be damned.
See, I told you I was grouchy.
I think I'll run a sea salt bath, sprinkle in some lavender, bergamot and eucalyptus; see if I can hit pay dirt in an old holistic remedy...because I am, if nothing else, a creature of comfort. And a redhead. And I don't like to work too hard unless it's necessary. And then I don't mind. Just don't ask me to look for anything. Yes, I just took 6 more Advil. Why? Oh, I'm not making any sense. Oh. Well, then, I'm certainly not recommending you take 6 Advil.
about to let my toes get pruny...
~S
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